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The Gents
The Gentleman's Club(Often shortened to The Gents" are a trio of rowdy, party loving clowns, They are made up of the powerhouse Thadd, The paranoid highflyer Thane and the 6'2'' blue haired middle man Blade.'' A Gentleman's Adventure. On December 15th, 2006 Thane returned home from a party at 1:34am, He stumbled around in the dark to turn on the floor lamp in his bedroom and once the lights came on he found Tom Selleck sitting in the lounge chair in the corner of the room wearing a hawaiian shirt. Shocked, Thane cried out "Tom Selleck what are you doing in my house?" To which Tom Selleck replied saying "What" Thane politely told him to get out of his house but instead of directly responding to his request he just says "You wanna suck my dick for money?" Thane did a double take and tried to run out of the room but in the confusion he forgot that he closed the door behind him so when he turned and ran he slammed face first into the door and knocked himself out. He wakes up 3 hours later and Tom Selleck is still sitting in his chair, Thane gets up and leaves the room, he heads for his living room and calls his large and intimidating friend Trajan Banestein for help, at first he took his worried tone seriously but when he heard that Tom Selleck was in his house and refused to leave he immediately passed it off as a prank call and told him to "Fuck off" before hanging up. With no other options he calls up his best friends Thadd and Blade for help, much unlike the former leader of The Gentleman's Club, Thadd and Blade rush over to help in Thadd's shitty, old and rusty second generation Honda Civic hatchback. They bang on the door and Thane lets them in, Thadd greets him in the customary Gentleman's Club fashion by kneeing him in the balls and heading straight for the kitchen to raid his fridge. Thane stumbles into the kitchen and explains the situation, Thadd takes it seriously but Blade is too busy eating Thane's large jar of MNM's to pay attention to what hes saying. Thadd asks "What'd that no mass faggot say when you told him to leave?" Thane replies "Nothing! he just told me to suck his dick with no emotion" Thadd replies in shock with "What?" Thane replies "Yeah he said that too, just What and suck my dick. I don't know what to do" Thadd is immediately angered by this and exclaims "We need to teach this faggot a lesson then" Blade spits out his Thane's MNM's and says "Fuck grapes...I got an idea.." and they quickly get to work assembling the items for their A-Team styled plan, Thadd pulls out a lightbulb changer pole from Thane's storage room while Thane gives them his bag of flour from his pantry and then helps Blade duct tape a small couch pillow to the lightbulb changing staff before they stack up in the hallway leading to Thane's bedroom. Thadd leans up against the wall closest to the door with the bag of flour in hand while Blade stands besides him with the Lightbulb changing staff and the worried Thane is shivering right behind him. Thadd looks to them and says "Thane, you open the door a tiny bit, I'll suck him and you fuck him" Thane nervously opens the door to ajar and Blade knocks it open with the lightbulb changing staff for Thadd to charge in in full force scraming "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SEWER" and hurls the open bag of flour at him but right as the bag gets within 20 inches of his face the bag stops in motion as Tom Selleck smiles, nods his head up and down and says "BadAsssssssssSSSSsssSsSsssssSssSssssssSSSSSsssssSSSSSSSSSSSssssssssssSSssSSSSSSSs" and suddenly the bag of flour flies backwards into Thadd's face and blinds him, he turns around and stumbles back into the hallway but Blade takes this has a chance to fuck with him so he holds up the staff so Thadd rams his head into it which causes him to stumble backwards to Tom Selleck but a shockwave shoots out of Tom Selleck and sends Thadd flying into the others. Blade says "I got one more idea" and after about 30 minutes of prep time, Thadd charges towards the bedroom on a giant, old timey bicycle but the bike is too big and Thadd bangs his head against the top of the doorframe and falls backwards with the bike and crushes his nuts which causes him to scream in a very high pitch voice. Blade again says "Alright...I got one more plan" and they call over their booker Xavier Lovecraft who after about 20 minutes of argueing over the phone shows up in his dark red smoking jacket and his Great Muta styled Facepaint and is visibly pissed off about being called over to Thane's house at 5 in the morning. He says "What the fuck do you want" as Thane opens the door and greets him, Thane says "I'm glad you're here, we need your help" Xavier replies "I'm not going in your fucking house, God only knows what kind of dieases you have in this fucking shitty, subpar mansion you've got here, this is probably a fucking shakedown for booking you to lose the 6 man tag team titles last Thursday, but I am NOT Falling for this fucking shit, I brought my Private Security Force" After he says this his men Tarkus, Hale and Trajan Banestein walk in wearing bulletproof vests and head over to the kitchen where Thadd and Blade are waiting. "What are you fucking idiots doing here" Trajan Banestein asks. "We're helping our bro out, what the fuck are you doing?" Thadd responds. Hale scoffs at him and rubs his masked head as Tarkus starts to knock off the ornaments off of Thane's fridge, Trajan groans and says "Where?" in a gruff voice so they lead them to Thane's bedroom and Trajan walks right up to Tom Selleck and forcefully says "Up" Tom Selleck just smiles, nods his head up and down and mutters "Yeah yeah yeah suck my diiiiickk...For Mon-Ay" Trajan quickly loses his temper and tries to grab him by the collars of his shirts but his hands phase right through him like a ghost and suddenly they hear a rumbling sound and the green, ethereal apparition of X-Pac who does 3 very forceful DK Crotchchops in slow motion with his tongue sticking out before disappearing and 4 skeleton warriors with swords, shields and viking helmets and they battle Xavier's Security Force. After a bloody fight the Skeletons are defeated, when Tarkus manages to rip off the head of the last Skeleton warrior and chucks it out of the window, X-pac reappears right behind Tom Selleck and wiggles his tongue up and down while crotchchopping and points right at Tarkus and shouts "I'll suck YOUR!! DICK" They all decide that Xavier isn't paying them near enough for this and leave. They pass by Xavier's limo driver Jacknife who has just ordered Pizza, Xavier shouts orders at them to return but none of them comply. After they disperse down the streats of the neighborhood a giant Spaceship flies into orbit and hovers over Thane's house, everyone is stunned, this even shocks Jacknife but doesn't stop him from eating his pizza. After 2 whole minutes the Spaceship hovers of the house, motionless but suddenly a huge ocean of shit begins to pour out of the ship onto the house for a solid hour of pure runny Alien shit raining down on Thane's house, Xavier takes shelter from The Shit Rain in his expensive limo . After the shit assault ends, a elevator lowers from the bottom of the ship with over 300 Alien troops that surround a menacing Alien Overlord who is sitting in a throne on a elevated platform. At this point all of the other residents of the neighborhood scatter out of their homes to see whats happening. The platform lowers to where it is mere feet above Thane's roof, The Alien Overlord rises from his Throne, walks down the steps separating himself from his army and appraches a podium at the end of the platform and begins a speech that echos throughout the entire city. "Humans! I am THE Supreme Overlord of the Zeus Nebula(Pronounced as Zey-Uus) Lord Emperor Nig Nughulis. We, The people of the Zeus Nebula come here to this Miserable, Stinking, Watery, Sinkhole of a planet you Incompetent, Bottom-Feeding, Smelly, Worthless, Vile, Scumfucking Race of people you call a home for ONE Reason and ONE reason only. We are here in search for The "5 Star Cocksucker" your Shitty, Ringless Planet have by the name of "My-Ky-El. Mitchi-Elly" To survice my men with his Dick Sucking Skills as they prepare my salad meals every 3 hours to nourish myself. IF you do not relinquish Your famed 5 Star Cocksucker then we will destroy your planet, One sewage ape at a time at the hands of My Mighty 6 Inch Squid Dick" Lord Emperor Nig Nug's speech continues for another 30 minutes, with all of his army chanting some sort of strange guttural yell that sounds like "EHH" or "HEY" With every insult Emperor Nig Nug comes up with for The Planet Earth. The speech goes on so long that some of the residents begin to heckle and boo him, "The Five Star Cocksucker" In question who misheard The Emperor's mispronunciation of his name, starts to taunt him which causes The Alien Overlord to snap and shoot him with a Blaster Pistol and disintegrates him. Moments after Mike's brutal death, his boyfriend cries out "YOU FAGGOT YOU KILLED MIKE" Which causes him to realize he has just murdered The 5 Star Cocksucker he had been searching for and his 13 year quest as just ended in failure. This revelation sends him into a frenzied rage and he shouts out "This is Niggershit, I regret this." And his armies begin to rapel down from his Spaceship to attack all the humans but suddenly a local crackhead by the name of Chickenstrip Jones is launched from a cannon at Emperor Nig Nug's ship while screaming "I'LL SUCK YOUR DICK NIGGA" Emperor Nig Nug hisses and hides behind his podium in an attempt to dodge the flying nigger that is hurdling towards him, Chickenstrip Jones crashes right into his ship and creates a large hole in the side of his ship, seeing the weakness in his ship, the rest of the humans present at the speech all get together and shout "ALRIGHT BOYS, RELEASE THE NIGGAS!!" and one by one by damn one the residents of the neighborhood run into their homes and bring out cannons and niggers to shoot at Emperor Nig Nug's spacecraft and all of them greatly damage his ship, but the final blow comes when 13 humans carry out a morbidly obese R-Kelly and shove him into the cannon, Thane cries out "R-KELLY NO!!!" As they shoot him at the ship and sends it crashing down into Thane's house, destroying it comepletey with the only thing left standing is Tom Selleck and the lounge chair, he yells out in a delighted tone "DICK SUCKIN'" 90% of The Emperor's forces are wiped out in the crash but The Emperor himself manages to survive, he stumbles out of the rubble of his ship and Thane's house with an Alien Blaster Rifle and starts gunning down humans as he limps towards the street. This attack sends The Gents to flee into the sewers to hide from The Emperor, after Nig Nug and the surviving members of his army kill at least 30 people and destroy a few other houses, The Emperor Nig Nug locks eyes with a figure standing in the firey street ahead of him, that figure is a black man named Destiny "Aquitted of All Carges" Geography with the swagger that only a gay man can have he is also one of Mike Mitchell's many gay lovers. Destiny looks at him through his big white shades and says "Game....Whitefish" and starts to walk towards The Emperor for a fight, but Emperor Nig Nug isn't having any of his shit so he shoots him through the chest with his Blaster Rifle and kills him instantly, he falls over clutching his chest making prolonged gurgle sounds and spitting up blood all over his white suit, he falls down to his knees and Nig Nug takes this as a great time to finish him off by running over to him, steping on his knee and slamming his crotch in his face, this finally Kills Destiny "Aquitted of all charges" Geography. This outrages The Gents and they rush out of the sewer and fight The Alien Overlord to the death to avenge The fallen Black Goddess. Member List Thadd - 2000 - Present. Thane - 2000 - Present. Blade - 2001 - Present. Baron Olog - 2002 - Present(Honorary Gent) Trajan Banestein - 2000. 2002. Xavier Lovecraft - 2003 - 2004. Category:Clowns Category:Factions Category:Lunatics